Tough Conversations - Part 1 of 4

I have had hundreds of tough performance conversations over my career. In the American business culture, many leaders avoid these conversations because they want to be liked by their team members. I can understand this hesitation, but having a candid conversation doesn't have to be overly unpleasant or confrontational. Follow some simple guidelines and you will find that these conversations will get easier and become more effective over time. 

Establish Consensus

It is really important for you and the team member to understand that you both share common goals. In most cases, a team member believes that he or she is doing an acceptable job because they probably haven't heard otherwise. Hearing feedback contrary to their belief about their performance will not go over well if you are indirect or overly blunt. 

Start with a message about their overall performance. If it is generally speaking acceptable, then acknowledge that fact. Also let them know that you share a common goal which is their success. 

Start with a Check for Understanding

Next, it is a good idea to do a check for understanding. Restate the expectation that has been missed and ask if the team member understands the expectation.  Too many perforamnce conversatoins can occur due to unclear expectations. If the issue is tardniness, maybe the team member sees a culture of people casually strolling into work and believes the practice is acceptable. Always re-establish the expectation. You conversation may be over right there. If the team member was confused about the expectation, they now understand that what the expectation is and how to meet it. Moving forward, if the expectation is not met, the conversation will be about failed commitments. 

Be Specific but NOT Overly Detailed

Early in my leadership experience, I made the mistake of being too vague in my feedback. I thought if I generalized someone's difficiencies, they would "just get it" and the message would be easier for them to accept. WRONG. Being vague makes your team member uneasy, confused, and may even make you look incompetant. 

When you are confronting a missed expectation, be very specific about the behavior, but not be too detailed. State only what you know and nothing that you do not know. You get yourself into real trouble and lose the effectiveness of your message if you provide an inaccurate detail.

Not Good Example: 

"Bob, you have been late a lot in the past week. It isn't like you not to take your job seriously.You need to start getting here on time."

This may sounds like you are getting straight to the point, but this can have some pretty disasterous consequences. Not being specific about the number of times Bob was late means you really aren't paying that much attention. Second, you are making a potentially false assumption. Third, demanding results without understanding a person's point of view might get you compliance but not commitment. 

Good Example:

"Bob, I have noticed your were late three times this week alone. Can you tell me about that?" 

While this may seem diceptively simple, it does a few things. First, it states only the facts you know; Bob was late three times. Second, it gives you room to understrand Bob's situtation without asserting any premature conclusions. Maybe Bob has taken on some addtional family responsibilities and might need some flexibility in his schedule. Maybe he is going through personal issues and needs some HR resources. The point is by being specific, you provide details that cannot be refuted, but not enough to detail to cause any arguement or make any assumptions. 

Be Very Clear About Next Steps

Depending on the outcome of your conversation, next steps can vary. If you have discovered something that gives you a different perspective on the missed expectation, you may looking at different ways to support the team member. If it is now clear that "Bob" was just slacking off and .